I find myself slipping, falling back into the same Hell that took decades to climb out of. I want freedom, I can see freedom, but I fear he’s right. I fear I’ve spent to many years incarcerated in my own mind. To afraid to come back the living, so now… Now I decide to burrow deeper into this nothingness that I call home? I finally realize and see the truth for what it is. He knows the way of the times. Where I do not. His decisions are for compliance and obedience. My are not… I do however hold some cards. I am not bond by the same rules and laws that consumes him. The lies of this world. The same lies he follows for peace. I say, COWARD! He kills us, he Condemns us both, but I cannot do this on my own. Not in this life, not in this world. Freedom comes at to high cost. To protect one’s sanity and to be free, truly free can not be wrote or said in the same sentence. For that is the cost of freedom in this world. I have spoken to the clergy who tells that faith will pull me through. If only I reach for God’s hand. God? The same God that allows misery and misfortune to prosper? The same God that I succumbed too as child and who has allowed my mind to control this essence,’ME’, who belongs to the universe. No I’ve prayed day in and day out to this God. He still denies the knowledge that books and universities can not give. The clergy spoke of free will. Free will I asked? I chose freedom but yet I remain a prisoner by the mind, the same mind he created and then chose to embody me with. Free will does not exist or I would be free. Alas he awakes from his slumber so I must go.